Okay so I was craving pasta yesterday but had zero time for fancy cooking. Remembered that stupid jar of pre-made sauce tasting like regret, so I grabbed whatever crap was in my fridge and decided to wing it. Here’s exactly what went down.
Stuff I grabbed randomly
- Half an onion kinda soft but whatever
- 3 garlic cloves starting to sprout (peeled off the green bits)
- Big can of crushed tomatoes from back of pantry
- Dried oregano that’s been there since 2020 probably
- Olive oil bottle with like two fingers left
- Salt and pepper obviously
How I hacked it together
First I chopped that sad onion real rough – wasn’t about winning any knife skills awards. Threw it into my only clean pot with a glug of oil. Cranked heat to medium and stirred it around while texting my buddy. Smelled kinda sweet after 3 minutes so I smashed the garlic cloves with a can and tossed those in too. Almost burned them cause I got distracted by a meme.
Then I dumped the whole tomato can – splash went everywhere but who cares. Added like two fat shakes of oregano, salt from that chipped ramekin, and black pepper ground straight into the pot. Stirred it all together hard with a wooden spoon scraping the bottom.
Let that mess bubble uncovered for maybe 15 minutes? Watched TikToks while stirring occasionally when I remembered. Sauce got thicker and turned from bright red to dark red. Taste tested – added more salt cause my first try always sucks.
Finally just stuck my immersion blender in there and zapped it for 10 seconds. Left it a bit chunky cause I hate baby food sauce. Done.
Why I’ll never buy jarred again
Took less time than arguing with Uber Eats drivers. Cost like $1.50 total for a massive pot. Poured it over spaghetti and it tasted like actual tomatoes instead of library paste. Kids even ate it without complaining. Leftovers went in a takeout container for today’s pizza base. Stupid simple.
Funny thing – neighbor smelled it cooking through the window and asked for the “recipe”. Showed him my disaster kitchen and the crusty blender. He thought I was joking till I scopped some into his coffee mug.