Man, I gotta say this gluten free bread thing had me scratching my head big time. When my cousin swore she saw actual fluffy gluten free bread at the store, I straight up told her “Nah, that’s impossible dough witchcraft.” But curiosity kicked my butt, so I grabbed my wallet and marched to Whole Foods to see for myself.
The Suspicious Shopping Trip
First aisle? Total fail. Just dense brick-loafs mocking me from the shelf. I poked one – felt like petrified wood. Almost gave up till some old dude pointed me to freezer section. Jackpot! Found three kinds of frozen “artisan” loaves costing like gold bars. Grabbed that Canyon Bakehouse stuff thinking “this better not be cardboard.”
Science Experiment Time
Threw that frozen lump in my sad apartment oven. Smelled weirdly sweet – like rice cakes got drunk. First red flag: It barely browned! My regular wheat bread gets gorgeous tan, this thing stayed pale like vampire toast. Chopped a slice – crumbs went everywhere like sawdust. Held up my failed sourdough from last week:
- Gluten free slice = thin & transparent
- My dense sourdough = THICC
The Crunch Test
Slammed it in my crappy toaster praying for miracles. Heard scary cracking sounds – thought the toaster exploded! Pulled it out looking like dried plaster. Slapped peanut butter on it like armor. Took a bite… crunchy then weirdly gummy. Texture? Imagine eating toasted sandcastle. Flavor? Like someone whispered “wheat” across state lines.
But proof’s in the pics – got decent lift! Check my top slice:
Gluten free bread = possible? YES
Tastes any good? HELL NO
Worth $9? Only if you hate money
Conclusion? Yeah it exists but don’t get excited. My picky niece took one bite and ran to spit it out. Might as well eat the damn freezer bag it came in. Making notes to try adding psyllium husk next week… or maybe just become carnivore diet guy.