Alright so today I totally winged it with some salad dressing experiments because honestly? Store-bought stuff never hits right. Had this half-empty veggie drawer staring me down and thought “tonight’s the night”. Grabbed whatever looked sad in my fridge and got to work.
Got Everything Out First
Just dumped every possible bottle and jar onto my counter like some mad scientist. Olive oil bottle had that greasy film near the cap – classic. Found some ancient dijon mustard lurking behind the pickles. Whole setup looked chaotic but who cares. Rustled through my cupboard too – found a nearly empty honey bear all crystallized and crusty.
The Basic Vinaigrette Attempt
Started stupid simple cause my brain wasn’t firing yet. Poured way too much olive oil into this old jam jar first. Like three glugs before I realized my mistake. Then splashed in some vinegar – red wine kind cause the balsamic looked sus. Added like half a teaspoon of that funky dijon. Tiny pinch of salt that mostly missed the jar. Screwed the lid on crazy tight then shook it like my life depended on it. Oil splattered everywhere obviously. Tasted it straight from the lid – wayyyy too acidic. Dumped in more oil without measuring. Shook again. Still tasted kinda harsh so I squeezed half an old lemon in there. Finally balanced it by practically drowning it in honey. Ended up with this messy oily jar but hey – it tasted decent on lettuce.
That Yogurt Disaster Turned Good
Wanted something creamy next. Grabbed yogurt tub that was slightly watery on top. Scraped it all into another jar. Added more of that dijon cause why not. Squeezed garlic paste from a tube – like a big ugly worm shape. Started shaking and immediately regretted it. Looked like lumpy paste with yellow bits. Texture was awful. Remembered milk existed last minute so poured some in while stirring violently with a knife. Got semi-smooth but tasted bland as cardboard. Rescued it by:
- Dumping ranch seasoning packet dust from bottom of drawer
- Throwing in every dried herb I owned
- Adding scary amount of black pepper
- More honey cause I’m addicted
Shook it like I was mad at it. Miraculously became edible. Stuck it on sliced cucumbers – kid ate two bowls somehow.
The Magical Messy Jar Leftovers
After cleaning up the oil spots everywhere had this thought – why not combine the dregs? Poured vinaigrette leftovers into the yogurt jar. Shook again. Added:
- Random splash of soy sauce
- Sesame seeds from 2019 probably
- Drop of maple syrup from breakfast
- Sriracha squirt that turned it slightly pink
Ended up with this Franken-dressing. Looked ugly as sin but tasted unreal on chicken salad next day. Moral of the story? Stop measuring. Make it ugly. Add honey. Job done.